Tag Archive for: disclipleship

"Overcome" Addiction Recovery Study Guide by Joshua Staton.

Rejection and Acceptance

Identity Crisis – Lesson 2 of the “Overcome” Addiction Recovery Study Guide

To whom do we look to give us our self-worth?  For some of us it may be our family and for others it may be their job.  Relationships, professions and possessions will ultimately fail to satisfy our need for acceptance.  With an inaccurate view of ourselves and our importance, we often do things we really don’t want to in efforts to obtain love and the feeling of security.

Rejection is a rather sensitive subject and must be handled accordingly, just like plutonium.  To put it quite bluntly, as a doctor, I have horrible bedside manner.  Sometimes I tell people they have to get over things.  But in this case, this isn’t something that you can get over or go around.  You can’t expect it to go away and not affect life anymore.  The only way is through it.  Ignoring it and trying to bury it will only disguise it.  Our actions and thoughts will always undermine our intentions if we do not acknowledge the block and deal with it head-on.

The Security of our Identity

Succinctly, rejection and acceptance are ultimately questions of the security of our identity.  The answer lurks in what we value, what we are willing to sacrifice for and what we find our personal worth in.  and the easiest way to find this out is by filling in the blank below:

__________ gives me a sense of worth.

This topic is my personal issue.  This drives my want to isolate.  This affects me daily, but it was only after I became aware of it, I saw how much it has affected me.  Much of what I did was to be accepted by the worlds’ standards, by other humans and I learned it because of rejection at home in childhood.  That’s why it is so important to acknowledge it and address it before we reproduce it as adults.  Rejection leads us to look other places to be fulfilled, and that is usually the wrong thing.

We have a worldly identity and a Godly identity, and we are building one or the other.  Period.  There is almost always a gap between these two and depending on the circumstance, most of us lean one way or the other.  The further we lean to one, the more acceptance we have from that one and rejection we feel from the other.  Rejection is far reaching and entrenching.  Rejection will undermine progress, motivation and purpose in your life.  Rejection breeds rejection. It’s like a virus, and it is generational.

Name Tags

First, write down the first three questions that come to mind that you would ask during a casual conversation to get to know them better.  This should be easier than the following question.

Next, write down three questions you wish someone would ask you during that same type of conversation.  Little trickier, isn’t it?

Some people are great at dialoging even with a complete stranger.  Whether or not we want to admit it, we are judging and assigning value to others, the problem is we usually do this subconsciously by assigning worth to what they value; are they similar to me, do I want to know more about them or move on.  We label them.

Speaking of labels, what labels has the world given you in the past?  What were you known for?  Spend some time and think about this exercise.  Write them down, we are going to come back to them in a minute.  When we attach labels, consciously or unconsciously, we are judging and assigning value, even to ourselves, especially when we get rejected because of the grimy and gritty past.

Jesus’s promise

To fully understand the context of this scripture, I encourage you to read the entirety of John chapter 6.  But here is the build-up:  Jesus has fed 5000 and performed many miracles.  He is promising to not only take care of their earthly needs, but their spiritual and eternal needs.  The crowd is festive and loving Him and ready to make Him king…

All that the father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.

John 6:37

Notice the first word in verse 6:37- All.  Many people adopt the false reality that they have to clean themselves up before coming to Christ.  That’s not how it works… Jesus knows all the grime and grit already.  Jesus will always be there to not only accept you, but to repair you, to equip you.  He doesn’t call us to clean ourselves up before we come to Him.  He calls us as we are, not based on our works but His work.  

Rejection of Jesus

Picking back up where we left off, Jesus has fed a couple thousand people, and departed to the other side of the sea.  The very next day, they see Him on the other side and rush across the water to Him.  However, He draws a line in the sand by saying that no one can come to the father but by Him, whom the Father has sent.  And before too long, the entire scene changes…

He calls them out for only wanting what they can get from Him.  By the end of John 6, many of the ones looking to get something from Jesus would turn their back on Him and no longer follow.  This rejection is coming from a group, from the public; ones who really didn’t know or understand Him.  They came to Him for miracles, to be healed and fed, but that was all they wanted.  They were only accepting Him because of His works and what He did for them, it wasn’t based on their belief.  A rejection that was prophesied:

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Isaiah 53:3

Overcome Addiction Recovery Study Guide
Application – Adopting a New Label

Earlier I asked you to list out the labels the world has given you.  Those are the choices that Jesus died for, to bring us back into a right relationship with the father.  Our acceptance from Jesus is not based on works, but belief.  It is not based on performance or possessions, but faith.  Jesus’ acceptance is not like waiting on a raise at work that never comes or approval from a spouse or being asked to join some club.  It is the belief that Jesus is who He said He is. Think about what we have discussed and look at your list again.  I want you to notice one more word in our verse of John 6:37. The word – whoever.  Now, I want you to mark through each one of those labels the world has given you and write beside it whoever.  Trust in the words All and whoever.  John 6:37 is a beautiful promise and proclamation that you are unique, a special part of God’s plan here on Earth, for your sphere of influence, that He “will never cast out.”  You are worth the price He paid on the cross because of His great love for you.

The “Overcome” Addiction Recovery Study Guide is part of the discipleship program at First Contact Ministries in Hendersonville, NC.

Did you miss the other lessons in this series? Click see the entire the “Overcome” Addiction Recovery Study Guide.

We always look forward to meeting new people at our Tuesday night support group meetings at 6:30 pm, located at Mud Creek Church in Hendersonville, NC.  Our classes are designed to teach biblical principles for addiction recovery through discipleship.  Our goal is to show the love of Jesus by supporting those who need it most.

For more information or to purchase “The Resistance” by Josh Staton to use as a Christian leadership book, or curriculum for an addiction recovery class, please visit: The Resistance: Becoming A Servant Leader Through the Beatitudes Christian Leadership Book

The "Overcome" Addiction Recovery Curriculum

Isolation and Encouragement

Rotting Fruit on the Vine Lesson 1 of the “Overcome” Addiction Recovery Curriculum

There is nothing more disheartening or defeating, than for a farmer to look out on his orchards and see fruit rotting on the vines.  This is a two-fold failure.  Wasted effort on his part and wasted resources that could have gone to something more productive.  It’s not that the tree is incapable of producing fruit, it is simply left abandoned.  Fruit bearing trees, much like us humans were not designed to operate in isolation.  In fact, nothing in our universe is created to operate by itself.

When someone does you wrong, when you get hurt, what is your first reaction?  For many of us it may be anger or sadness.  But for some of us, our first reaction is to withdraw.  We isolate from everything, including God.  By isolating, we focus on the offense and on the self.  We become near-sighted so much so, that we no longer look outside of ourselves, and the weight slowly becomes unbearable.

While the contrasts between introversion and extroversion are entertaining to discuss, they sadly don’t factor into this discussion on isolation.  We are talking about isolation as an emotional response to what another person may or may not have done.  It becomes an effect.  We don’t typically isolate when things are going well.  Isolation is a reaction we have when we are hurt or feel rejected.  I was angry with God for the biggest portion of my life and all I produced was destruction.  Dead fruit.

An individual needs a correct Godly perspective if they are to combat this deadly device that is used by our enemy.  Satan’s main objective is to separate us from others; to get us away from those who can speak grace, truth, compassion, guidance and correction into our life.  Those that would encourage us to keep walking instead of withdrawing or looking to the company of those who would bring us down.  Misery loves company in that sense.  We all need someone in our lives who is going to say “Look, I love you, but you are screwing up.”

Jesus Reached Out

We begin our series with the second shortest verse we cover.  And by all accounts, this is a relatively easy one to memorize.

I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.

John 14:18

The context of this scripture is what is ultimately important.  Jesus is speaking and makes a promise to His followers.  This is during the last supper, what is typically referred to as the Upper Room Discourse and it is the promise of the Holy Spirit.  Memorize it.  Claim it.  Pray it back to God.

When I first became a Christ follower, I was repeatedly told to hold on to God’s promises.  At the time I had no clue what they were talking about.  No one specifically told me what they were or what it meant, or even where to find them.  I know from personal experience, when the darkness begins its slow creep, you need something to hold on to.  You need an anchor.  You need a promise.  For all of us, God’s word must speak louder than the world if we are going to overcome anything.  Knowing and believing what is in the bible is the difference between being overcome versus overcoming.

Unfortunately, isolation is my preferred means of existence.  For me, it is safer and less headache.  Completely selfish, I admit.  It is easy to diagnose from the outside looking in, almost impossible to recognize for the one disengaging from society though.  Why?  Because it is a justified reaction.  It is so engrained in our thought process that it is the only logical conclusion, a defense mechanism, the go-to when we need it.  The stark reality is, when I began to handle everything by isolating, the descent into darkness became all the much easier and attractive.  When we isolate, we only seek to serve ourselves and that becomes a cyclical cycle that quickly morphs into a spiral.  To break the pattern, we have to seek to serve others.

Now, how do we get from wilting to bloom, from being isolated to serving others?  Sound like a pretty hefty task?  Firstly, we realize that when we isolate, we are focusing so intensely on ourselves and our circumstances that we don’t think about anything else.  We are consumed by it.  With all of this being said, here is the main point:

Overcome Addiction Recovery Curriculum
Application – Focus Less on SELF by Serving OTHERS

Serving others can look like many different things.  Actions, words, presence.  Some illustrations can range from encouraging someone to keep doing well if you know they are struggling, all the way to simply holding the door for someone else, even a courteous thank you.  Have you ever feel alone going through recovery?  Chances are other people do too.  Part of recovery is not only being willing to have someone reach into your life, but also being obedient to reach into someone else’s life, as God directs. 

Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up just as you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

The people we come into contact with on a daily basis is the mission field.  These may be your coworkers, your family, your friends.  And God has equipped you with a story comprised of your hurts, your struggles, your victories… your testimony.  He has also equipped you with talents and gifts.  God has placed you in these positions and situations you are in for a purpose.  His glory.  All of this leads to a final application:

Seek an opportunity to serve one person this week.

Did you miss the other lessons in this series? Click see the entire the Overcome: Addiction Recovery Curriculum Series.

We always look forward to meeting new people at our Tuesday night support group meetings at 6:30 pm, located at Mud Creek Church in Hendersonville, NC.  Our classes are designed to teach biblical principles for addiction recovery through discipleship.  Our goal is to show the love of Jesus by supporting those who need it most.

For more information or to purchase “The Resistance” by Josh Staton to use as a Christian leadership book, or curriculum for an addiction recovery class, please visit: The Resistance: Becoming A Servant Leader Through the Beatitudes Christian Leadership Book

The Resistance Teaching Series by Joshua Staton. Addiction recovery class curriculum.
The Resistance teaching series for discipleship and leadership, as well as an addiction recovery class curriculum.  Based on the beatitudes.

Character development for leaders as Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount.

Introduction: A Dilemma

This leadership teaching series is also useful as a curriculum for an addiction recovery class. Here’s a note from author Josh Staton regarding the translation from book to blog:

The original text of “The Resistance” was created to facilitate a Saturday morning men’s group.  It eventually became a book and now a blog series.  In this transition, some sections have been omitted or condensed.  I believe the heart and spirit are still alive and well.  This introduction post comprises the first four chapters of the book and covers a significant amount of ground.

Leadership will always face a dilemma: the self.  The self does not want to focus on weakness.  Ever.  This is the design of the self.  The self is bent towards preserving its interests and pursuing its wants.  It would rather focus on its strengths than its weaknesses.  The biggest problems with strengths are that they create blind spots which lead to pride.  Once pride roots in, a downfall will follow as the writer of proverbs records.

As Christ followers, we must confront the gap between what the world says a leader should be versus what God’s word says a leader should be.  We are to be The Resistance.  Resist the urge to get swept up in the battle, to not be sifted, to not be weighed and found wanting.

Essentially, this series is an application of biblical scripture.  Its primary focus is to fight the ever-present disease of the self.  In business, I believe it is economical to build upon your strengths.  It is easy to hire out the work you are not especially good at or feel an attachment to.  However, in our personal lives we can’t just farm out the work, we must allow the gospel to refine our weaknesses in the following way:

Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

John 15:2, ESV

Our objectives change as the years go by; weaknesses become strengths and new opportunities appear over the horizon as our character is refined.  At times, growth is painful.  But the yield it produces is what we must devote our attention to during these trying seasons.

As a natural result of this growth, our lives should begin to bear fruit for those people placed in our lives: our family, friends, co-workers and neighbors.  The way we do that is to model leadership after Jesus’ example and teachings.  This is our primary mission; reconciliation to Christ and community.

Charting the Course – Define

If we are members of a family or a church, if we work a job or have neighbors… we are part of a community.  Community is essentially defined as the people you live around or have contact with.  Many of the people we come in contact with are for the better part strangers: the mailman, cashier at a department store, bag boy at the grocery store, a co-worker at the office, the neighbor who enjoys listening to AC/DC at 2am.

However, there are a number of encounters that eventually become relationships due to the close proximity and frequency of our encounters:  a member from church, someone from school, individual from small group, parents of a friend of your child.

Application (Homework for addiction recovery class)

Take some time to reflect and pray over the following question.  This determines your areas of influence and opportunities for being a servant leader.  List them out, as many as you can think of.

What roles do you currently assume?

Husband/Wife

Father/Mother

Brother/Sister

Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Son/Daughter

Friend

Co-worker

Neighbor, Etc.

Charting the Course – Diagnose

Above we made a list of the areas where we fill a role or have influence.  Over the years, I have found that trying to balance all of these roles and demands leads to exhaustion and frustration.  When we do good in one area, another area gets neglected.

The apparent problem lies in the perceived ebb and flow of priorities being temporarily out of whack.  Our struggle to find homeostasis does not resemble the swing of a pendulum going from one extreme to the other, but the fact that we almost always swing back to the out of whack priorities after a short period of time.  We gravitate to doing good in what we usually do good in and neglect what we usually neglect unless a siren goes off and alerts us that the ship is keeling too far to one side.  Begrudgingly we make adjustments and go about life until the siren goes off again.  This becomes the repetitive cycle that we are going to take a look at a little deeper in our assignment this week.

Application

Undoubtedly, as you were making your list, one if not a few areas are louder than the others.  In this section we will now begin to narrow our focus.  We do this with a two-part question to develop strengths by addressing weaknesses:Out of all of these roles, which one needs the most work and attention?

  1. Why does it need work?  Why is it so loud? Out of all of these roles, which one needs the most work and attention?

Which one has the volume cut up the loudest on?  In other words, which role are you experiencing the most frustration, disappointment, lack of hope or progress in?  God will bring to mind and heart the area He wants you to make efforts in.  These are not going to be your strong areas.  These are going to be your weakest areas.  Spend intentional time analyzing your weakest areas; the area where you say:

“I struggle with _________ the most, and if any progress is made it will have to be by God’s grace and through His guidance.”

2. Why does it need work?  Why is it so loud?

  • Spouse – arguments with husband/wife
  • Parent – need a better relationship with kids
  • Child – unforgiveness towards parents
  • Employee – Patience toward a co-worker

This is reconnaissance for your battleplan and necessary for charting a proper course.  Notice I use the word proper.  If you are not analyzing and being specific, the waters will get murky very quickly, making it impossible to navigate and give an honest assessment.  Focus on facts.  Do not focus on your opinion of others, their responsibility or hearsay.  This is about you.

Establish an Objective (Homework for addiction recovery class)

Now, using these answers we have the components to set an objective or goal; one that can be measured, and progress can be tracked.  One quick note about setting a goal.  This goal cannot be something as lofty and esoteric as world peace or become a better person.  While noble, goals of that manner are too general and do not spell out specific actions.  Our goal needs to be specific.  Spell it out however elaborate you need to, we can whittle it down once we find out what it is.  In essence, it will acknowledge a journey that has to be traveled.  It will state:

“Here is where I am, but there is where I need to be.”

This objective will be what we focus on during the rest of our study.  We will look at our weakest areas through the lens of each Beatitude and gauge how to apply each characteristic we learn from the gospel to it.  I believe each Beatitude is a piece of the puzzle for us in our character development as followers of Christ and leaders of others, man or woman.

Final Consideration – Communication

This will not be an exhaustive investigation on the topic of communication.  But it does bear mention and consideration.

Two Main Forms

  • Direct – what you say and do
  • Indirect – how it was heard and interpreted

Environments

  • Occupational – Job
  • Societal – out in the community
  • Residential or Familial – Home

Many times, how we communicate at the house may be different than how we communicate at work, or in front of people at a meeting.  Who usually is the recipient of the best of our communication skills and who gets to see us at our worst?  It is one thing to put together a presentation and talk to strangers about something, but it is an entirely different thing to communicate effectively in your household. 

Because it is not just your words that the members of your house hear, they also see your actions.  It is that long string of your actions that will ultimately dictate what they hear from you, regardless of what you intended to say or do.  This is how your life ultimately communicates to others what you value, indirectly.

Components

  • Confidence – Do you really believe what you are saying
  • Clarity – Simplify the message to the main point.  Do not busy the waters with auxiliary information or opinions.
  • Consideration – Recognize who it is that you are speaking to and the proper time and place.
  • Compassion – Always end with hope and understanding.

For us, as Christ followers and leaders, our lives must communicate and reflect our Savior to others.  And for this reason, I am convinced, a leader must excel at communicating and is one of, if not the most important aspects of leadership.

For more information or to purchase The Resistance as a discipleship or leadership guide, or as a curriculum for an addiction recovery class, please visit:

The Resistance: Becoming A Servant Leader Through the Beatitudes Book

If you are in the Hendersonville, NC area, join us for an addiction recovery class. Click for more information on attending a First Contact Ministries support group for individuals or families struggling with addiction issues.

Click to see other lessons in the Resistance: Becoming a Servant Leader through the Beatitudes Teaching Series.